It's hard to explain how you feel inside sometimes. I mean *really* feel. Sometimes you can't quite get the words out, then you get all confused and they end up coming out all wrong so you either sound like nutcase or a stalker cos you've said too much and made things worse (usually alcohol is involved) or you've said too little and you sound like you're either depressed and emotional or you're bottling things up. Either way it's bad!

I'll not pretend to be anyone other than myself (I don't know how to!) - I'm the latter. I'm shy and reserved. I sit back, and unless I'm with close friends/family, I'd rather sit and listen to the conversations around me. I notice everything from body language to the rolling of eyes. To the hidden meanings behind sentences, even to the signs of pure boredom. If i'm not comfortable, chances are i'll be quiet; not wanting to draw attention to myself which is strange (even I can admit it!) considering I was a dancer and was willing to dance and sing in front of complete strangers! Perhaps is a confidence thing. Hmmm. Go figure!

Anyway, going off track here. Not entirely sure as to where my track was going, but I'll keep typing until I find it again! Sorry!

I don't know who reads this blog (apart from Jules!) so guess I can't let rip completely, so i'll keep it unpersonal!

I go to Australia in 6 weeks (not that i'm counting!) and although I'm only going for 2 months, i'm a bit nervous about it! i'm going to be travelling for 30 hours on my own, in different countries. Ok, so i've travelled on my own before, but only to the south of England, so that doesn't count! Hmmm perhaps that's not what worries me the most! I think it's that I have no expectations of what it's going to be like. I'm going to be incorporating a 3 week roadtrip around Oz with a friend of mine, who I have not spent time alone with before. We will be camping and sleeping on beaches, etc to keep costs down. Gosh, I can't believe i'm admitting this, and although i'm quite savvy to the ways of the world, I've never "roughed" it before! I've been camping in the south of France around 6 times (the last evidently supplying me with my first holiday romance - who I still have contact with!), but I don't think it's the same as really 'roughing' it. Don't get me wrong, I'm no girly girl and i'm sure i'll be fine, but I guess everyone thinks along those lines at some point! I guess this is where my new years resolutions will have to kick in! (see resolutions in an older posting). Hmm the good thing is that i'm not so proud that I can't admit my 'difficulties'. I'm getting better!

Right, I've really lost track of the main reason for this blog (which I can't remember anymore) so i'm just going with the random train of thoughts in my head haha!

I'm going to Essex in a couple of weeks! (If my work will give me the Friday off that is!) Yay!! I'm going to stay with my twin (not literally) Jules for a few days - I can't wait! We have a weird, yet special friendship. She's helped me through a huge pile of bad stuff and wouldn't know what to do without her! This is one friendship I'll never let go of! Haha - I sound a little gay there - she knows what I mean though.

My quote of the day - Conscience is the inner voice that warns us someone may be looking.